Dear People Who Insist That New York is the Only Place to Get a Decent Bagel,
The other day, I ate a bagel at an unassuming local bakery. I admit it was nothing to inspire odes, but as the cashier handed it to me, this guy in a Knicks cap made a face like he was going to chunk all over the counter and then feed his gastric misadventure to the next person in line.
What is it with you militant defenders of New York’s supposed bagel supremacy? When you eat a bagel anywhere outside the five boroughs, you are virtually certain to make some remark like, “they just don’t make ‘em right here” or “it’s not H&H!” or “I wouldn’t fuck this bagel, much less eat it.”
But let’s be honest. There is nothing special about the bagels in the Apple, despite ample protestations from the faithful.” —from Timothy McSweeney’s Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond.